


"Jesus, Jesse!!"

by Aim (miaspeaksblog)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dogs, Ear pulling, Gen, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Hats, LITERALLY, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Showers, Stealing, Theft, also some serious swearing, despite contrary belief, jesus jesse, later there will be smut, nude running, really really ugly ones, so that's why the mature rating, so ugly you think it might be cute, streaking, that means, tripping, you weren't raised in a barn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaspeaksblog/pseuds/Aim
Summary: This is a collection of short works (mostly unrelated to each other) (some shorter than others) of times when "Jesus, Jesse!!" has been uttered by fellow Overwatch members.





	1. "Jesus Jesse, You Stink!!" (Get Back Here P.1)

**Author's Note:**

> So I'll put out there that I have this set to mature due to non-sexual nakedness, very sexual nakedness in later chapters, and mild to extreme swearing.

After a long morning of target practice, drinking booze, and helping Mei and Roadhog in the kitchen with lunch, Jesse was messy. He was drenched in sweat, covered in a fine layer of flour and sugar, and the front of his shirt was damp and icky from spilling booze down the front of it. 

Throughout the entirety his lunch, Ana eyed Jesse critically. When Jesse went to sit down, Hana and Lena moved their chairs as far away from Jesse as they could while still keeping a comfortable distance from Torbjorn. Finally, Jesse threw his hands in the air, causing Hana to shriek in horror, “Jesus, Jesse!!” and dive away from the table. 

“Fine! I’ll take a damn shower before I eat! All y’all actin’ like you ain’t never been sweaty before.” Jesse stood up and pushed his chair back before picking up his plate of food and placing it in the refrigerator. Walking back towards the people still at the table, he gave the best glare he had to everyone at the table but mainly focused his glare on Junkrat.

“Ain’t none of y’all touch my food, you hear?” Jesse growled out before he continued to the base’s washrooms.


	2. "Jesus Jesse, Put Some Clothes On!!!" (Get Back Here P.2)

Jesse arrived at the washroom, grumbling things like, “all I wan’ed ta do was eat my ‘pasketti in peace,” and, “’pparently they ain’t never been hungrier than a pack of wolves.” 

Jesse turned on the water in one of the shower stalls, setting the temperature to steaming hot. He hung his hat up on a hook by the shower stall before he stripped everything else off, then wrapped Peacekeeper in his clothes so she didn’t get wet. Satisfied that his gun was safe and his hat was within reach, Jesse stepped into the shower and closed the curtain.

After about five or so minutes of just standing beneath the scalding-hot water, Jesse felt his frustrations begin to finally melt away. He put some shampoo in his hands and began to wash his hair. At some point during his shower Jesse began to sing one of his favorite songs.

“Amarillo by mornin'  
Up from San Antone  
Everything that I got  
Is just what I've got on  
When that sun is high in that Texas sky  
I'll be buckin' at the county fair  
Amarillo by mornin'  
Amarillo, I'll be ther-“

Suddenly Jesse heard a sound right outside of his stall. 

“What in tarnation…” Jesse muttered as he stuck his head out from behind the curtain. He could just make out someone’s footsteps over the hissing of the shower. “Who’s there?” after a few seconds, Jesse realized the footsteps got quieter and decided that someone just forgot something in one of the stalls and came back to retrieve it. He didn’t notice anything amiss until he just happened to look down.

“What in the Sam Hill…?” Jesse reached down and picked up his unfolded clothing and swore. His Peacekeeper was gone. Looking up confirmed that his hat was gone too. Suddenly, Jesse heard something that sounded an awful lot like Genji trying to stifle his laughter. Jesse felt as if his head was going to explode.

“Genji I swear on my papa’s grave if ya don’t hand over Peacekeeper right now I’ll - “ 

Suddenly, at the north entrance of the washroom there was a flash of green. Jesse swore loudly before taking off after Genji. About two steps out of the still-running shower, Jesse’s wet feet slipped on the tiled floor and landed on his ass. Cursing again, Jesse got up, grabbed his towel, and wrapped it around his waist before taking off again. 

Once he was back in the hallway, he looked both ways and tried to decide which way Genji went. After figuring that Genji didn’t go to the rooms, Jesse took off towards the dining hall. Hair and skin still dripping water profusely, Jesse barged into the dining hall, startling Angela, Fareeha and a few others who were helping clean up. 

Mei screamed. “Jesus Jesse, put some clothes on!!!!”

“Jesus Jesse, where are your clothes?!?”

“See, I told you Roadie, I’m definitely bigger than this wanker here.” The last comment was met with confused stares and one particularly deep exasperated sigh.

Jesse ignore everybody’s comments and yelled angrily, “Where’s that damn gump?!?” After a second of no responses, Jesse yelled wordlessly in frustration and rounded on Angela.

“Which way’d he go? Where’s yur lil’ boyfriend Angela?!?!?” At “boyfriend” Fareeha grunted in disgust, but Angela looked at Jesse with a hybrid look of confusion and amusement before looking away.

“He went that way.” Angela pointed to the hallway leading to the recreation rooms and the practice rooms. Jesse didn’t bother with thanks this time around and took off running in the direction he was pointed in. 

Apparently, Jesse didn’t bother with looking where he was going either and tripped over a chair just as he was escaping the room and crashed into the door frame with a cry of “Son-of-a-donkey’s-backside!!!!” However, he didn’t let that slow him down and he kept running. After a few seconds, he realized his towel had fallen off. Deciding it was too late to go back and get the towel, Jesse continued down the hallway at top speed naked as the day he was born.

When Jesse got to a fork in the hallway, he stopped briefly, took a breather, then dashed down the hallway that led to the recreation rooms. Sliding into the main rec room, hair a-dripping and goods a-blazing, Jesse spotted his hat on one particularly annoying cyborg brat. Jesse let out a yell of rage and charged towards Genji, jumping over the chair and bowling Genji over from behind. The two crashed into a table and upset Zenyatta’s rather impressive five-story card castle, then Jesse rolled so that he was sitting on top of Genji’s chest. 

“Where the hell is Peace keeper?!?!?”

“Jesse Mc-fucking-Cree, you better have a damn good explanation for terrorizing everybody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enter: Jack Morrison....... in like, one hour to three days cause boy am I feeling lazy now


	3. "Jesus Jesse, What is that Thing?!?!?!?!?!" (bonus: "Jesus Jesse!!!! I can't breathe")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahaha you thought this was coming next Monday but HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA its been months HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ha. ha. haaaaaaa. Help me please I have such commitment issues

It was 4 pm, and according to Jesse Mcree's self-imposed schedule, it was time for a walk around the base. As he was walking, Mcree heard a faint yipping sound coming from somewhere down the cliff. 'Now', Mcree thought to himself, 'ain't no one s'possd t' be here 'cept fer us Overwatch folks, an' last I checked ain't none of us had any dogs.' So, Mcree decided to investigate. He wandered over to the edge of the rocky cliff that overlooked the sea and the lighthouse and looked down. At first, he didn't see anything, but as he continued walking along the rocky cliff-edge he finally found the source of the yipping. On a large boulder that jutted out from the rocky cliff, there was a dog.

Mcree muttered to himself, "Well I'll be." After a moments thought, Mcree continued on his walk around the base. However, no matter how hard he tried to push the poor creature out of his head, that damn dog kept coming back to the forefront of his mind. Finally, Mcree gave up and ran back to where he saw the dog last. Sure enough, the dog was still there, pacing back and forth on the rock it was stuck on. After pushing up his sleeves, Mcree set his hat down and weighed the edges of it with a couple of rocks, and then finally began to climb down the cliff.

Carefully, Mcree scaled the cliff walls until he finally reached the dog. As soon as Mcree got a good look at the dog, however, Mcree knew the dog was gonna be his bestest friend in the whole damn world. The dog's hair was yellow and stringy, kinda like those stupid-ass webkinz stuffed animals his little sister used to collect. Instead of four scrawny legs to support its average-sized, scrawny body, the dog only had three. What paws the damned creature had were enormous. Even though its head seemed to be slightly too small in proportion to its body, the dog's lolling tongue was probably twice as long as it should have been, and his beady eyes seemed to be bugging out and looking in two directions at once.

Mcree sniffed, a small tear in his eye. "I am mighty glad I came down here t' rescue ya," Mcree thought out loud. The dog yipped again and wagged its thin yellow tail. Mcree picked the dog up, tucked it up into his serape, and tied the cloth around his chest. After making sure the mutt was safe and completely secure, Mcree began scaling the cliff walls again, thankful Winston made him take rock-climbing classes. A bit of cursing, a scraped elbow, and a banged-up knee later, Mcree finally reached the top of the cliff edge and quickly clambered over and rolled onto his back. The dog squirmed and wriggled until it was free, then proceeded to lick Mcree's face with his giant tongue. Mcree laughed and sat up, giving his new pal a quick scratch on the back. 

"I guess I 'oughtta give ya a name, huh?" Mcree said to the mutt. "Now, Skippy's too plain for a beaut like you, and you ain't got any spots. Le'see... I think I'll call you Sunny, cause yer fur is all bright like sunshine." Sunny seemed to agree with its new name, for he began jumping around and yipping like he was some kind of Mexican jumping bean. "Now, seein' as all that sorted out, let's get back to the base. 'M sure they're missin' me by now." Sunny yipped again and jumped off of Mcree's chest. The cowboy grabbed his hat and brushed off the dirt before standing up and securing it onto his head. 

"C'mon Sunny, let's head home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesse Mcree walked into the main rec room, Sunny in tow, to find roughly most of the other team huddled around a table. Amelie, Akande, Ana, Orisa, Torbjorn, and Fareeha were out on a mission in Ilios, so obviously they weren't there. Mcree walked closer to the huddled agents to find they were playing Uno. Mcree slapped his hand onto his head. 

"Dammit, is it game night?? I completely forgot! I got sidetracked with all th-" At that moment, Hana screamed, "Jesus Jesse!!!!!!" and dropped all of her cards. She pointed a trembling finger at Sunny. and screamed, "What the hell is that thing?!?!?" Up to now, everyone's attention had been directed to either trying to see Hana's cards or on Hana herself. After she pointed the dog out, however, everyone's attention immediately. 

"Now see here, Sunny is -" Mcree started, but was interrupted. 

"What the hell..?"  
"Crikey, it looks like me Roadie!!"  
"That thing has a name?!?!"

Fed up with it all, Mcree spoke loader. "Sunny is just a mutt that's prob'ly seen better days! He's perfectly harmless!" Angela scoffed. 

"Harmless? The dog might only have three legs but it could have rabies or fleas or both!" Mcree turned his attention to her and grinned. 

"Now, Angela, I know ya ain't no vet er nuthin, but ya think ya could do a lil' doctorin' on my new best friend?" Angela looked at him in disbelief. "Aw, c'mon doc! I found 'im down the cliff! What if it got hurt er sumthin'? Ya know, he's my best friend now, and I'd be real hurt if he di'n turn out alrigh'..." Mcree, much to the amusement of the other agents in the room, plastered his saddest puppy dog eyes until finally Angela sighed. 

"I'll see what I can do." Mcree dashed forward and gave Angela a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank ya Angie!! Yer the greatest, and I'll always rememeber this and I'll pay ya back someday I promise!!" 

Angela wheezed, "Jesus Jesse!! I can't breathe!" Quickly, Mcree let the doctor go.

"Er, sorry 'bout that doc. C'mon Sunny! Let's go to the medbay!!" Sunny yipped happily and wagged his tail, and the two headed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i think i'm going to actually continue chapter at some point in the story this cause i really like sunny >.>


End file.
